Adopting a coaching-style
There are five key elements to a successful coaching conversation.
Develop Self Awareness
The first stage of coaching is self-awareness. You need to be aware of your expectations, beliefs, and assumptions, and how these might influence the conversation you have with your student. Do you begin a conversation believing you understand what the problem (and possibly the solution) might be? Do you have expectations that the student should behave or respond in a particular way? Do you assume that they are going to behave or respond in a particular way? Do you think that there is one best way to achieve something? Do you have beliefs about your student’s capabilities or attitudes and how much they can (or can’t) achieve?
The student understands best the specific problem they have. Supporting them to find a solution that is specific to that problem and meaningful to them allows them to take ownership of that solution and commit to it. Any of these assumptions or preconceptions can lead you to direct the conversation to the solution you consider appropriate, rather than encouraging the student to find their solution.
Build rapport
To be a good coach you need to develop a strong and positive relationship with your student, which requires good rapport. Rapport involves being on the same wavelength as the person you are talking to and can be developed consciously.
Pay attention to your student. Make sure you establish eye contact and do not allow yourself to be distracted while you are talking to them. Observe the gestures, facial expressions and posture they adopt. Note the words used. Language is important to rapport and can give a clue to a student’s sensory preferences, whether they are mainly visual, auditory or kinaesthetic. A visual student may express themselves with phrases like “I see what you mean” or “I am looking to achieve”. An auditory student may say “I hear what you say” or “That clicks with me”. A mainly kinaesthetic student might use language like “I feel positive about that” or “I have a good grasp of that”.
To strengthen rapport, try mirroring your student’s gestures, posture and facial expressions. Adopt the same language preferences that they use. If you do this, they will find it easier to understand what you are saying and their trust in you will increase as a result.
Be an active listener
Rogers(2005) identifies three levels of listening. In Level 1 listening you are focused on self, on finding out more information and on what you are going to say next, rather than on what the other person is saying to you. When listening at Level 2 you focus on the other person, concentrating on what is being said rather than on what to ask next, reflecting their language and following their agenda. At Level 3, you do all of Level 2, but you also listen for the real meaning and emotion behind the words being spoken. Coaching conversations should always be at least at Level 2 and should aim to be at Level 3.
Be aware of the barriers that make active listening more difficult. Try to set these aside when you are listening to give yourself space to hear what is being said. Potential barriers include:
- Pre-judging the student or making assumptions about them that will influence how you interpret what they say.
- Listening through the prism of your own “similar” experience, which will lead you to assume that the student’s experience is the same as yours.
- Your own feelings. If you feel low or frustrated you are liable to focus on these elements of what is said, whereas if you feel particularly happy you may filter out the negative elements.
- Distractions, such as what you have to do that day or what is going on in your life.
When the student is speaking, don’t interrupt. Wait until they stop talking and then leave a pause to be sure they have finished what they want to say. If you think they have more to say, prompt them with questions like “Can you tell me more about…”. If, on the other hand, you feel that they are drifting or going off topic, then ask them to pause and try to recap what you have heard, to ensure that you understand them and to bring them back to the topic.
Ask effective questions
Your role as a coach is to help the student examine and resolve issues. To do this you need to ask effective questions. Effective questions are precise and oriented towards goals and actions. They move the student forward towards their own solutions rather than leading or making suggestions.
What questions are the most useful as they open up thinking:
- what do you want?
- what is important to you about that?
- what options do you have?
- what can you do next
- what can you learn from that?
- what is stopping you from doing that?
Other effective questions include how, who and when which focus specifically on action and commitment:
- how would you do that?
- who do you need to talk to?
- when will you do that by?
Where possible, try to avoid asking why? Why questions can come across as accusatory in tone and may put a student on the defensive. Instead of asking “why did you do that?”, ask “what was important to you about that?”. This also makes it more precise and focused on the student, as they are less likely to answer by referencing other people.
Give honest and clear feedback
Coaching-style support does not direct or suggest solutions, but it does challenge the student through providing feedback and reflecting back observations of what has been seen or heard in the conversation. Feedback is intended to move the student forward and may be framed in terms of further questions. Feedback is always aimed at helping the student learn so needs to be timed so that they are ready to receive it. Try to be factual and avoid interpretation: “I noticed that when you were talking about that, your voice changed” rather than “I could see you were angry”. Maintain focus by asking how what has been said connects to the student’s goals.
Comments (0)
You don't have permission to comment on this page.